open up.

I write words, wondering who will see.
wondering how they will be taken.
wondering how I appear to you. to everyone.

roller skating is mindless. I love it.

I want to be a star. I wanna dream to be something big like when I was little.
In kindergarten, we filled out a booklet about what we wanted to be when we were older. Two of my top choices:
1) A figure skater
2) A dentist

I remember my kindergarten classmate Duncan (who I so cleverly called "Duncan Donut" in the secret of my mind) made fun of me for wanting to be a dentist. Alright, so maybe he was justified in thinking I was retarded about my dream of having a dental career. But still. I remember my mind racing and trying to figure out if he was right, was I stupid for my dream of wanting to clean people's teeth? I hold in my memory so many insecure feelings like I felt that time in kindegarten. Still my thoughts are so effected by what people say. My wishful thoughts constantly partake in a duel with reality.. with my peers opinions.

I feel like I'm gonna burst.

fragments are my friend.

i am thankful for the melody of a piano. i love to hear the keys being graced with willing hands. sometimes timid hands. the notes are a pleasant sound. i am thankful for art. i am thankful to learn about art. i love the broadening of minds. i desire to broaden my own mind. with ideas that brighten my eyes and fill my heart with a passion to live. i am thankful for the Bible. i am encouraged by 2 Corinthians 12:9 "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." i love a good cry. i am thankful for my mom. when i hug her i feel her warm and gentle spirit radiate into me. she is sensitive to my needs. when young, i would curl my little body into her arms and cry into her shoulder. her sleeve would be wet with my salty tears. she wouldn't care. she'd only hug me tighter. i'm older and i still cry on her shoulder. i love her. i'm thankful for the ability to run. to run when i feel trapped. to run, i feel free. i find peace. i am thankful for imagination. to be creative. to dream. to be creative in the dreaming of my future. i am thankful to have a future. i love to laugh. i am thankful for those who make me laugh. to find humor in a simple noise. i am thankful for good literature. and bad literature. to make me thankful for what is good. and what allows my mind to be opened to new images and ideas. i am thankful for those who inspire me. for those who exhibit passion. their passion brings me joy and a desire to develop my own passions. i love small children's innocence. i love their sometimes not innocence. their simplicity in living. how a child can laugh at most anything. i love a beautiful sunny day. a beautiful sunny day after an elegant winter day. driving with the windows rolled down. coffee being made by my dear roommate in the morning. i am thankful to dance. even if it's as bad as elaine's dancing from seinfeld. i am thankful to be able to be thankful. i have so much.

Falling, snow.

I almost fell down while taking a shower today. I think I have a fear of blacking out from slipping in the shower.

And escalators. I have a fear of falling down backwards while going up one.

Does this mean I have a fear of falling?

my life is average makes me laugh alot. and speaking of falling off walls... and stuff..
"Today I realized that not once in Humpty Dumpty does it mention he's an egg. I'm still wondering who made that conclusion. MLIA."


The snow is beautiful and even though I almost slipped (falling phobia!) walking down the big ol' carter hill, that is okay. Because it's beautiful out.

I've missed you.

Today I am wearing my red shoes.

I have neglected them for almost a year.

I hearby declare an official apology to them for blantantly ignroing their presence in my closet for so very long.

Red shoes, welcome back to your home on my feet.

my life is a racetrack.

Lately I've come to realize that I love the idea of certain things but am not very good about the acutal carrying out of those things. Like, I love THINKING that I am on top of all my schoolwork. I mentally set aside time for the next day to do homework. But somehow I just don't do it. All of a sudden things like cleaning our disgusting mugs and raman bowls takes priority and painting my toenails is a must.
I buy a planner at the begginning of each semester wanting to start the semester off all organized. Of course I begin to think, why the heck do I need this planner? My mind remembers everything. And then everything starts going downhill. Soon I feel like this huge slacker! I mean, here I am sitting on my futon, (listening to the angriest wind outside I've ever heard in my life) watching the Bachelor. I am doing my math homework too. But "Concepts in Mathematics" cannot really qualify as math. My problems incude "Late Bloomers" "Baby Bunnies" and "Rolling Around in Vegas". I'm supposed to figure out how to take my pants off and put them back on inside out? Pleeeeease.

This whole issue of me loving the idea of things gets me into trouble sometime. I act impulsively. I don't really think about the long term effect of my actions. I cannot control situations. I'm stuck thinking I can control my life like I've been controlling Donkey Kong in mario-kart (too... much.... nintendo 64....).

Come on, Karin. you ain't gotsta worry.