bacon

I realized I suck at cooking when the 10 year old I babysit made better eggs and bacon then I do.

also I realized how perfectly cut bangs can effect my whole attitude. really though, a badly cut set of bangs is abosolutely awful. which is the state mine are in now. I cut them. I hate them. I have to pin them back. I hate pinning them back. I'm a different person without them. It's a helpless situation.

happiness

things that I love lately:

-the avett brothers new cd.
-dark red nail polish.
-the psalms.
-wearing Beth's grey converse.
-the most beautiful sunny days ever.
-the sound of a piano.
-making the grunting noise while playing tennis.
-not studying for my test and instead making new pandora stations and admiring the sexiness of -Adrien Brody.
-oh my gosh, and THIS GUY! a proboscis monkey.. I mean can he look any more ridiculous? really?! I love them!

I have been so ansy lately. I can't keep my body still. something is always twitching or tapping. why?? tell me! I'm mad.

right now

I want to be riding a rollercoaster.

whhhhhhat?

I've realized there is a lot I don't understand.
When I was little four year old Karin, I didn't understand why I couldn't eat my dad's tums that were sitting on the coffee table in front of me. They looked like candy, they kind of tasted like candy, so in my mind, they were candy. and candy was to be eaten. I was confused.
When I was in my supa fly pre-teen stage my parents sat me down and told me we were moving away from Maryland. I cried for a week. I didn't understand why they had to pull me away from everything I loved in Baltimore. It didn't seem fair. I was mad.
When I was a senior in highschool I thought that I was going to know exactly where I wanted to go to college. I thought things would kind of just.. fall into my lap. I didn't understand when the time came to chose the college of my desire, why it had to be so difficult to decide where I wanted to go. I was stressed.

Looking back on all these things I didn't quite grasp at first, I see now the reasons God had behind each and every situation I was confused, mad, or stressed about. Whether it was something as trivial as eating my dad's tums, (I mean, duh. It was going to make me feel sick. I realized this after I was told, but I was wee at the time. I didn't know such things.) or something bigger like moving or going to college, I can look back now and see how these moments in my life happend for a reason. I learned from them. I grew from them. While in the moment I had no idea what was going on, later I can look back with an outsider's perspective and contemplate why certain circumstances needed to happen.

There's still things I will never understand. (like,why can't I whistle? and why were penguins made not able to fly? dumb!) But whether I look back and understand why.. those things I didn't understand.. happend... or I look back and wonder and rack my brain trying to find answers to things I STILL to this minute don't understand... I know that beautiful things will always surround me in a big yucky pool full of uncertainty. I will always have the most lovely friends who in their individual ways make me laugh and thankful beyond belief. I have parents who love me no matter what I do. I have a relationship with Jesus that I should make everything, when I too often put it on the backburner. I also have a new yellow flannel. which makes me happy. (ok ok, shallow I know).

life is weird. things will happen that sometimes there is an easy answer for and then that one experience will occur that makes you doubt everything. I'm stuck in the doubt. I gotta remember the truth.

I remembered!

I make a blog. Write once. Then forget. Always forget about it! Then I find it again and get real excited. So, here I am sitting on my blue-red-and yellowed colored carpet pieces (that I apparently thought were really cool in the 9th grade..mmm.. not so cool anymore) writing in my neglected blog. Already this little blog is comforting me. I think this thing will most likely be me rambling if anything. That's all I really want it to be. My outpouring place.

Today I realized a few things.

-When I'm old, I'm going to wear converse tennis shoes. Red ones. I don't wear converse now, but I feel like wearing them when I'm older will give me that hip-ness that I will most likely have lost. Also, I will never ever perm my hair.

-My neighbor is crazy for putting five speed bumps on the gravel road leading to my house. Really now? Do you think I like having the bottom of the buick scraped? Sure, I could slow down. But then he'd get what he wanted. Ultimately, speed bumps on gravel roads are unnesscary and a cause for inspiring rebellious drivers such as myself to continue in rebellion.

-to trust.

-I really like the movie Steel Magnolias. Why had I never seen it?