WEIRD.

I want a sugar bear!

hate.love.love.hate.

I love people, and I love to figure people out.

I hate not being able to figure people out.

I hate being pinched.

I love sushi.

I hate neon green.

I love couragous people.

I love the color yellow recently.

I love to laugh really hard. So hard I pee my pants.

I hate peeing my pants.

(I haven't lately I promise. This is not a confession. Past experience. You know.)

I hate coffee without creamer.

I love George Clooney.

....

Dreamer, what do you see?
Eagles soaring the brilliant blue sky,
As kings of their cloudy castle?

Blue skies will crumble into a darkness,
And hark an eerie greeting
To crawilng creatures who haunt sweet slumbers.

Dreamer, what do you wish?
An agility like the angelic figures in your feeble imagination,
Dancing in perfect step to the musical whispers of the wind?

Thunder will reign over those delicate whispers.
And such heavenly waltzes will be swept away
During the struggle to run free from bellowing crashes.

Dreamer, what do you know?
To soar as an eagle,
To dance as an angel,
Amidst the darkness,
Through the rain.
That such fantasy suspended by reality--
Therein lies the beauty of dreaming.

James 1:2-4.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"


This verse always speaks volumes to me. I will be stronger through difficult times. I will. I think the problem lately has been I do not want to believe this. So I wallow in my sorrows. There is a time for grief, but I know personally, I must take a bolder step to believe now. As much as I feel it is too hard to trust, the only way to trust, is to take that step.

I'm doing it.

Follow us.

The trailblazers who give their hearts to the wind,
inspire and call out to weary peasents:
"Wake up your static souls, and follow our lead!"
Such passion as theirs crave to rescue caged hearts.

Mystery cup.

A peaceful evening. A deserted coffee shop. I crave company, anyone to whom I may share this coffee shop with. A friend, a stranger, an ex-lover. Simutaneously, I desire to isolate myself from the company I yearn for. Irony runs its way through my veins.

Door opening, a red-haired woman walks in confidently with a pile of books. Picking a table not far from my own, she takes off her sweater, straightens her blue beret, and walks to the counter to order a coffee. Maybe a tea. Hot chocolate even. But I sense that she is a coffee woman. With a mug full of mystery liquid, she returns to her books, inserts headphones in ears hidden behind firey hair. Not once does she look at me, nor does she seem to be aware of my presence at the round table in the corner. Contently, she indulges herself in the little pleasures of music, words, and the drinkable substance before her.

I gaze down to my own book, and take a sip of my luke-warm coffee. Feeling like I made a friend on this quiet evening. Happy for the company. Wondering what she is thinking. Thinking that because I wonder, I'm a freak. Freaking out that I may be losing it. Realizing I haven't even read any words. Words..Sentences..Thoughts.. nothing made sense. I begin to re-read the same paragraph. Mere moments have passed.

A young couple walks in. Silent. But silence alone does not enter with them. A little golden haired girl fills up the coffee shop with her bubbling voice. "I can get anything I want? Mommy what are you getting? Daddy, I can get anything I want!" Excitement fills her adorable body as she twirls around in her pink ballerina skirt, and grabs her mother's hand. The parents converse with her in a most mature way. They do not baby her. Love exudes from each one of them and this simple trip to the coffee shop most obviously makes this small girl's evening. Makes the parents evening. The girl continues to babble in her high voice. They choose a table around the corner from my own. As they pass, the little darling looks at me and waves her tiny little hand in my direction.

A red haired woman. A family of three. My company. I observe, to be thankful. To stretch my mind. To imagine. A fellow loner brings me comfort in knowing I'm not the only one spending the evening with the presense of no other. A vibrant family treating their child to a night out, brings me a feeling of hope for upcoming moments of joy.

Simple pleasures in life. Sometimes they hide in the corner of a coffee shop.

...

my mind
creates.
design
pulls me away.
stifled,
by imaginary walls.
I'm forced,
into anxiety.